The Art of Hanging On

I am a shell. Or at least it feels that way. A shell of the woman I used to be, before Depression scooped me up, flipped me upside down and sent most of my self-identifying traits jangling out into a scattered pile on the floor. Most days I wonder where the spunky, driven, faith-filled girl I used to be has gone. Most days it is a struggle to remember what it feels like to be me. Most days I don't want to fight to find her.

And Yet. No matter how desperate or discouraged, despondent or defeated I feel I know there is a reality greater than my Depression. I love Jesus, I have been adopted into His family and my identity as a daughter of God Himself will never change. 

I have to preach that to myself, y'all. Every. Day. If I'm honest, that is incredibly difficult to do right now. I often choose to succumb to sadness and despondency instead of opening my Bible and clinging to my Father in prayer. I choose to believe the lie that Depression is what defines me now, that I will never get the "old me" back.

Can you relate? Is there a hurt in your life so deep and seemingly never-ending that you can't see how or where God can possibly be at work? If you are nodding your head, I am so sorry for your pain. It sucks. Here is what God has reminded me of today.

We have to fight.

As I read in the book of Joshua this morning, a particular verse jumped out at me. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (1:9). That promise was not just made to Joshua. God loved us enough to sacrifice His only Son, and Jesus left us the Holy Spirit as a helper. I have to fight through my circumstances to speak truth to myself and find hope in my Savior. The key is that I am not meant to fight alone. As a believer I have the help of the Holy Spirit to be strong where I am weak. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" (Exodus 14:14). All we need to do is admit our weakness and call on the Conquering King for help to believe when we cannot.

We need to be surrounded.

Sometimes even calling out to God for help seems too difficult. This is when I need believers around me who know me, know my struggles and can stand in the gap for me. I have chosen to be transparent about my Depression because I recognize that I need brothers and sisters in Christ to know my situation and pray for me when I cannot. I am incredibly grateful for my husband, parents and friends who are praying for me and encouraging me through this difficult season. It is often their reminders of Christ's unshakable love for me that spark a light in my darkness. I need those reminders of where my true, beautiful and unchangeable identity lies, and so do you.

This is how we hang on. "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). Know that the God of all creation loves you, is in constant pursuit of you, and gives you a Hope and a Future that rises above and beyond your current circumstances. I am choosing His reality today. Let's do it together.