Most days when something goes awry, a quick self pep talk and a prayer can straighten my course. But then there are days like the ones I've had this week; days when just as I'm rising to my feet from one stumble, I catch a toe on the very next bump in the sidewalk and down I go again. I'm sporting a few bruises right now. They're minor frustrations in the grand scheme of my life, but today they appear monumental. I am acutely aware of my own inadequacies.
in·ad·e·quate
inˈadikwət/
Yep, that about sums it up.
I lack the quality or quantity required to be who I think I need to be in so many of my title roles: Wife, Mama, Daughter, Friend, Employee, Christian. I'm selfish. I rely on praise from others to feel validated. I'm self-conscious about my body. I am prone to jealousy and worry. I'm afraid to talk about Jesus with people who don't know him because I fear rejection.
I'm deficient in every area that matters.
And you know what? That's okay. It's actually completely normal.
On days like today I have to remind myself that we're all screw ups, every last blessed one of us! We're all indequate. It's human nature to be broken. That hasn't changed since the Garden of Eden.
There's an ancient Japanese practice called Kintsugi that involves repairing a broken clay vessel by pouring in lacquer mixed with gold dust. The idea is that rather than trying to repair the pot so that it appears seamless, the cracks are highlighted with shimmering gold veins. It's as if the maker of the vessel wants to strengthen its structure and celebrate its imperfections all at once.
In 2 Corinthians 4 Paul says, " We have these treasures in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us" (ESV). We are breakable, fragile beings. God is all-powerful and forever. Jesus embodied all of my crap, all my weaknesses and all my failures past, present and future, when he took the punishment meant for me on the cross. And anyone who accepts that beautiful gift also gains his Spirit to flow in and fill those cracks and crevices that life constantly tries to widen.
The innate purpose crafted into our souls is to give God the glory he so richly deserves. Alone, I am "insufficient for the purpose." I want success, fame and acceptance for myself. I am a glory thief. But Christ lives in me, and he is all-sufficient. Miraculously, he covers over my inadequacies and bridges my gaps. I don't have to strive for perfection because the one who is perfect claims me as his.
And when I stop striving, I am at peace. I can kick those humdingers to the curb.
