What I did not read a single sentence about was what to expect for my own body once I was done expecting. A few things in particular took me completely by surprise. When you are severely sleep-deprived and your hormones have run amok, surprises are just plain rude. In the hopes that I'll save a few preggo ladies some rude awakenings down the road, here you go.
What I Didn't Know to Ask: The Postpartum Edition
Your body does adjust to the shocking lack of sleep. During the first few nights of Baby Cakes' life in the hospital, Jeff and I were sucker-punched by the immediate sleep deprivation coupled with the steep learning curve of figuring out how to keep this new little human alive. After a week or so at home, we were equally surprised to realize that our bodies had adjusted to waking every 60-90 minutes to feed the baby. It's not fun, but it's doable. Parents survive. We're built to. And sleep deprivation always ends up producing memorable stories. So there's that.
Most stretch marks don't go away. Somehow I made it to 31 years old with plenty of mommy friends around me before I learned that stretch marks don't magically fade into oblivion once your stomach shrinks back down. Ask any of my girlfriends whether or not religious lotion slathering actually helps fend off those pesky purple lines and you'll hear mixed results. At best, most women's stretch marks eventually lose pigment and appear white or silvery. If it makes you feel better to rub that Buddha belly every day while you're preggo, go for it! It really might help! Some women, God bless them, never get stretch marks at all (and the rest of us secretly loathe them just a little).
If you make it almost a year postpartum and still look like you have an abstract drip painting featured on your stomach like I do, my tip is this: Start learning to view those little scars as a celebration of what it took to carry your sweet baby into the world, not as a blemish to be ashamed of. I'm working on that right now myself. The aches, pains and extraordinary biological changes our bodies go through in order to create a brand new human being are pretty dang miraculous - certainly something to be immensely proud of!
Up to 50% of your hair might fall out. Unfortunately this is not a joke. Starting around 4 months after your baby's birthday, you will notice thick strands of hair swirling their way toward your shower drain every time you shampoo. Though I have thick locks, a few months into the shedding process I realized I could see my scalp through my hair in places! That's pretty disconcerting. Don't fret, though. By 7-8 months postpartum you should see the first sprigs of new hair stubbornly poking straight up around your face. You'll never be more ecstatic about what looks to most people like a bad hair day.
You won't forget the unfortunate aspects of pregnancy and birth, but the emotions attached to them will dull. Until recently, I never understood why some moms were ready to start trying for Child Deux before their first baby reached their first birthday. Frankly, I thought perhaps they had lost the ability to think clearly. Now I totally get it! It's thrilling to watch Baby Cakes grow and learn and develop a personality, but there's a crazy maternal warmth and yearning that blooms in my chest when I see a tiny baby snuggled into his carrier at Target. When I think about being pregnant again, I get a little giddy! Sure, I remember the 5+ months of all-day nausea, the acute hip pain and the swollen feet, but I also remember feeling little kicks in my stomach and watching BC smile on the 3D ultrasound screen. And then I'm ready to do it all over again. I mean, how could you not want another one of these??
No, Mom. I'm not pregnant. Yet.
